At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
