six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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