throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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