right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
