I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
