it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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