He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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