I will die if light touches me.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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