when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
