I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
