this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
i think i just lost a toe
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
