you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
