google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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