the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize