Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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