Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I am one with the molecules
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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