One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
