pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
