Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
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