just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
