it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
