I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
