Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
