i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
