My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
