Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
