How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
