K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
