It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
