mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize