as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Randomize
