I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
