I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
