She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Houston, we have a blender
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
