3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
