Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
