yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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