Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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