is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
My butt remains clenched, sir.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
