Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
you have to choose: penises or morals?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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