worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
