He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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