a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
