There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
