In the future we'll all be gay
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
