I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
