last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
