jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
