remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
