His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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