Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
