When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
