dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
