Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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