If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
