Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
