I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
