Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
