Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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