dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Randomize