would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
