Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
