when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
