I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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