his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
