I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
porn star boner night. come get it.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
