It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
