I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
