You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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