Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
