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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
